So I'm in the process of weaning Jack, with the goal of being done around his birthday in a month (I won't go into the "I thought about going longer but then he stopped nursing and who wants to keep pumping & I can't believe I'm about to officially declare my baby no longer a baby by weaning & I think I'm going to cry now" side of it) & I'm starting to feel... different. Like I'm slowly coming out of a deep, dark fog that I didn't realize I was in for almost 2 years of pregnancy & nursing. My body seems to be getting itself back into gear & I am finding myself actually motivated to do... things. Like, not just lay around like a slug during nap time (okay, not every nap time. It is a process, you know.). And, let me tell you, it is a good thing to feel almost like a normal human again!
Along with this physiological change, I am sensing a new work being done by the Spirit in me that I'm not sure I can fully describe (because I'm not sure I yet fully understand it) but I know that it is good. I am reading "One Thousand Gifts" by Ann Voskamp (writer, farmer's wife, & homeschooling mom extraordinaire of 6 kids) for our book club. I haven't read one of the book club books in a while, because of the aforementioned lack of involvement with the world outside of keeping my children & myself alive, but I had determined to read this one because I had heard how good it is. And, it is! (Some people are bothered by her writing style - it's very different, poetic - but the message is so good, I'd say, press on.) As a result of the book, I have seen that the way that I think is changing. I am more inclined to see things to be thankful for, instead of complain about. & this thankfulness had lead to a wonderful living in the moment, dwelling, enjoying. I am able to get past the tantrums & the crying & fully drink in the little moments of giggles & silly phrases & snuggles. (Eucharisteo is the word that Ann dives into, realizing that thankfulness is what leads to full life, to joy, to transformation.)
I have also been challenged to be intentional - in everything. I'm praying through my schedule to see what God has for us in this season, for each day. Casual time with my kids, time with Elliot doing preschool activities, time with Josh, time in intentional relationship with others, social activities, exercise, etc. I'm not entirely sure what this next year will look like yet for us, but I think it's going to be good. I'm excited to see what God has for me, & for our days, during the week & on the weekends with Josh.
I love to see God working in me. It's not me. But I am fully on board, inviting the Spirit to do whatever He wants in me. Abiding in the Spirit & yielding to Him produces what only He can accomplish, & that's what I want for my life. It's a process. But it is true life at its fullest!