Friday, June 13, 2008

List revisions.

I have the hiccups. I am not a fan of the hiccups. You never know when they will come (like when you try to swallow & you hiccup at the same time - OUCH), or when they will end. I used to only get the hiccups before I got sick... no kidding, I would get the hiccups, then within a couple days I would get a cold or something. I don't think that's the case anymore.

So in going through my old blogs I found a list I made at some point... I can't remember what the date was; I'd guess around sophomore year. I found it interesting... so here it is, with updated commentary. :-)

I want to know that every day I've lived has mattered... that some conversation, some experience, some circumstance was memorable or has changed me or someone else in some way.

Amen. That is hard for me these days, when the only time I leave the house is for the occasional work meeting, grocery store & other errands, etc. It's hard to see what God wants for my days right now when my life seems so solitary. I suppose it's true that God has taught me a lot lately. But am I influencing people??

I want to listen to more music - worship, alternative, classical - & absorb the different sounds - melodies, harmonies - & hear the way the words have formed a poetic story.

Well, okay, I seem to have settled into what I like... & that's about all I listen to. You who know me well know I rarely stray from my Christian rock. :-)

I want to be able to speak to complete strangers.

Hmm. Ya, I think I've become better at this, more confident. But it's still hard for me to really engage with people I don't know, like the checker at the grocery store. I want to be able to ask them how I can pray for them. I need to pray for that.

I want to write more often, in different forms, specifically a journal so I can eventually look back & see how God has changed me.

I have two journals - one I update rarely, just to catch up on what's going on in life so I can go back & read it one day & remember, & another that I write in when spending time with the Lord. I write in that one whenever I feel like God has placed a specific thought or idea on my heart, something I want to remember; I write in that one almost every day. I recommend doing that.

I want to live more by emotion & less by logic.

Ha... talk about a switcheroo. No more emotions, please! Being married to Josh has made me realize how much my emotions control my thoughts, my actions, my reactions, & I hate it. Emotions should not guide me because they rarely line up with Jesus (at least in my life)!!

I want a God-given passion to drive me to do my best & work my hardest in everything I do.

I still strive for this. Even in the mundane parts of life, I try to remember that I work as unto the Lord, not man. God deserves my best in what He has asked me to do, even the little things like laundry. I want to have joy in every aspect of my life.

I want to know that Jesus has initiated every circumstance in my life & trust that He will complete everything He begins.

I have been focusing on that verse a lot in the past couple of weeks (I think I mentioned it in my last post). I don't know if you have these days, but sometimes I just feel like the scum of the earth, so far from looking like Jesus it makes me sick. I have to remember - He's still working on me! & He won't give up! He will bring it to completion.

I want to love people, without fear of rejection or hurt, because the love I give will be a blessing, & the hurts I receive will build me into a stronger person.

This is probably one of my main struggles in life. It's hard for me to love people when I don't know if they do/will love me back. (Love meaning actions or pursual of relationship... either one.) I want to be able to, though.



kristin said...

about living more my emotion than logic, I completely agree sometimes I wish I disable my emotions when making decisions! I just saw this today and it reminded me again about it:

Molly Kate said...

I love to make lists like this and also to keep journals. God is soo good and it's so encouraging to pick up my life's journey and read about His faithfulness!!! Thanks for sharing.