Living radically

If you haven't read the book "Radical" by David Platt, I recommend you do so. Even more, I recommend you read it with your spouse. Josh & I are both reading it, & are only about halfway through, but it has caused many conversations between us. Reading it is much more impactful than my summary could ever be, so I won't even try. But here are some of the ways we are being challenged.

We have always been pretty frugal people (some may say "cheap"). But now we are considering - okay, when we choose not to spend our money on something, then what do we do with it? Are we frugal so that we can save save save? Or do we realize what eternal purpose that money could serve?

Now, the basis behind ANY question we ask is motive. Saving in itself isn't bad. Buying a house or a car or going out to eat aren't in themselves bad things. But when we save, is it because we are putting our security in our finances? We need a "safety net?" Is it taking away from our trust in the Lord, that He provides for all of our needs? Maybe. When we buy something, is it because the Lord is leading us to do so? Or because we want the new thing, the bigger thing?

We have, until now, thought that we would need to buy a new car soon - a new (used) SUV for me to truck our kids around in. I drive a small car & Josh drives an SUV with almost 150,000 miles on it. But what about me driving Josh's car until it dies? Well, I tell ya, I get much more excited about the thought of a newer car. But why?? I'm not saying we won't eventually buy a car. But we want our hearts to be in the right place. We want to be willing to sacrifice. We desire to live simply. We don't want our money to go toward "earthly trinkets," but "eternal treasures."

When we save money by not buying something, we are now challenged to consider where we might give it. We have always given money to our church & to other organizations. But maybe we should go above & beyond. Do we give out of excess, or are we sacrificing? God already gave us somewhere to give some money, & put it on Josh's heart for us to do so. I gladly submit to a husband who desires to give to something that will have eternal benefit!

I am also being challenged to consider my purpose. God wants to use us to make disciples; to change the world. Yes, being a wife & a mom is a huge calling that the Lord has placed on my life. But I know that's not all He has for me. & I want to be used where He wants to use me.

It may sound huge & lofty, all good & well, or it might sound crazy or legalistic. (Sidenote: One other thing I am trying to do right now is to make sure I'm not making "rules" for myself. As a rule follower, that is so easy for me. But I want there to be reason behind the things that I do.) Read the book! Platt's heart behind every word is that we might do what GOD wants. Die to ourselves that He might live through us. I am excited to see how the Lord is moving in our lives. He has GOOD things for us, & I want to be a part of it!!

Follow the rabbit trail.

So, one day after Elliot started crawling, he started pulling himself up to standing. Whaat? He is getting so big! It's so cute to walk into his room after his nap & he is sitting up in his crib waiting for me. We are going to buy him a convertible car seat this weekend. Unfortunately he is not a big fan of being in his infant seat longer than about 45 minutes, which makes 5 hour drives really, really long. So we're hoping the next step up will be more comfortable for him. Or I may need to invest in sedatives. For him or for me? I guess you'll never know! (Just kidding. Kind of.)

Last night I went to bed at 8:15. It was awesome.

Tomorrow is National Donut Day. Free donuts at Krispy Kreme & Dunkin Donuts. You're welcome.

Speaking of sugar, is there really anything better than a Double Stuf Oreo? Oh, oreo ice cream & oreo dirt pudding & oreo cake balls... good point.

We are excited for the Winnie the Pooh movie coming out soon. Elliot has two Pooh Bear stuffed animals, & a super soft Pooh diaper that says "Small Pieces of Fluff." It's so cute. I told Josh he is the Tigger to my Eeyore.

I love going through closets & drawers & getting rid of things. Throwing away, giving away, selling; doesn't matter. I love simplifying. Josh came home in a simplify mood so we cleared out our bookshelves & he cleaned his closet & some drawers in the bathroom. It's kind of like our house loses weight every time we get rid of things. It's great.

Here are a couple quotes at my desk that I like:
"The circumstances of life, the events, of life, & the people around me in life, do not make me the way I am, but reveal the way I am." Dr. Sam Peeples

"You are never more valuable to God than you were the day you were born." (I don't know who said that one, but it's good for the performance-driven types like me.)

It's 9 pm. Way past my bedtime!!

Crawling & marriage

I tell ya, if I didn't have things to do with my time, I'd have an awesome blog. But for the next 25ish years, this is what you are stuck with. :-)

Well, it looks like we have a crawler on our hands! After a couple days of being very frustrated over getting up on all fours but not being able to move, he figured it out & is shimmying his way across the living room. Usually toward me. Moving any previously folded laundry out of the way to get there. I tell ya (there I go, tellin' ya again), I am definitely learning how to let go of things, like always having everything neatly picked up. I do however have a nice looking living room after Elliot's bedtime! I refuse to become sloppy, but I will try not to be anal.

Yesterday was Josh & I's four year anniversary. Three years ago we were in Dallas, two years ago we were in Florence, Italy (gosh, like we'll ever be able to top that), & last year we found out Elliot was a boy, so this year was definitely low-key in comparison, but being able to go out to dinner babyless was a much needed treat!! Uncle Tyler & Aunt Kelsy watched Elliot while we went out to a delicious dinner (escargots, crab cake, bacon mac n cheese with steak, truffle lobster risotto, s'mores chocolate tart & tiramisu.... I'm drooling at the memory).

Lately I have become a little more aware that I am really, really blessed by my husband. It has surprised me to see several couples our age already divorced. I don't pretend to know or understand their circumstances, but for me, I can't imagine my life without Josh. I even have dreams where we're not married, but I know that we are supposed to be, or where another guy is pursuing me & I'm like... where's Josh??? I know people say it a lot, but he TRULY is my best friend, the person who I confide in & who I have the most fun with. Even if you stripped away every bit of romantic feelings, that would remain, as it was the foundation of our relationship for several years before romance even entered the picture. & I am so thankful for him & our relationship. I don't mean for it to say that I somehow got lucky to find that special person, or something... marriage takes a lot of work & a lot of learning to die to yourself. You can't be selfish & have a good marriage, & even if our marriage wasn't great, it is still a commitment we made before God that represents Christ & His relationship with His church, & we take that very seriously. We obviously have to work at it. But, he is wonderful. & he puts up with me. For that I am thankful!

My Identity Crisis

You know, it's amazing the things our identity can get caught up in. I think some are more obvious than others. There is the "I'm a stay at home mom;" the "I'm so successful in my job;" the "Why yes I am that person's spouse;" the "I am loving the single life;" etc. Those are identities we are more aware of. But what about roles like:

"I am so knowledgeable on this particular subject."

"I can't believe this is my life; let me tell you about my horrible life."

"I am the world's biggest fan of (insert sports team)."

"I am told I am so pretty all the time."

"I am (insert negative quality)."

"I live in a big house & drive a nice car."

We see these things that may or may not be true about us, & we dwell on them & allow them to become who we are. They determine whether or not we see ourselves as successful, valuable, or of any purpose. That's a problem. Even if those things are "good," they will eventually leave us empty & desperate for more.

I have been in a funk lately, & I am beginning to think that I have been grabbing onto these things that I see in my life, & letting them become who I am & what I am about. For instance, "I am sleep deprived & a slave to the nap schedule." My baby doesn't sleep well, & I take that to mean I am somehow failing, & afraid that others view it that way too. (That being said, if you come at me with advice, I might kick you in the shin.) Or, "this is what my body looks like now after having a baby, & the world tells me it isn't good." Great. So, if I allow these thoughts to happen, & I begin to see myself in these ways, I get frustrated & it wears on me emotionally & spiritually. Because that is NOT who I am. I am chosen by God; set free from the old, self-focused me. I have at my disposal the ability to feel freedom, peace, & joy. I want to choose those things! He has given me the role of wife & mom, & when those things are difficult, I'm not supposed to wallow in my circumstances, I'm supposed to ask Him for wisdom, for the solution to my problem. God says that what I look like on the outside doesn't matter, but my heart & my intentions do. So which one should I spend more time worrying about?? Who said my baby should be sleeping through the night every night at 12 weeks, anyways? Does God value that? (I'm not saying you're bad if you try to get your baby to sleep. I just need to make sure my heart is in the right place about it.)

I'm certainly not saying that I've figured it out. I'm trying to. I don't like being in a funk! & I think I need to focus on where I am putting my worth. That will definitely help. This is not what God has for me. He has much, much better - He has promised good things for me. I just need to allow Him to make it so.

The Royal Wedding

I have to admit, the thought of waking up in the wee morning hours to watch the royal wedding seemed kind of crazy, especially considering I truly value my sleep these days. But in the end, the desire to make a memory won out (not to mention not having a DVR; I had no "watch it later" option). I set my alarm for 4:30, & of course Elliot woke me up at 3:45, so it's 8:30 & I've been up for almost 5 hrs. I'm on to breakfast & cup of coffee #2. (It's gonna be a long day).

Anyways, it was pretty great. It was so cool to watch the royal family driving to the church, & to see everyone walking in. [Side note: I want to wear fastenators (sp?)! I think they are awesome! Can someone please start selling them on this side of the pond?]

Then to see Kate getting into the car, to see the dress, her face behind a veil - all the anticipation (that has indeed been media-driven, but nevertheless, it was there) culminating in seeing her heading toward her groom. I got emotional, it's true. & I realized that the way that we see this bride, looking amazing on her wedding day, is only a small picture of one day, when the Body of Christ, all believers, the bride of Christ, is presented to her Groom. It is going to be more amazing, more exciting, more passionate than any wedding we've ever seen or experienced. His love for us is greater than the love of a prince for his princess. It is the love of a King for His creation, for those He literally laid down His life for.

I think there is a part of every woman that loves the fairy tale; that wants to be the princess in the gorgeous dress. Because we were made for that! We were made to be saved, to be redeemed, to be passionately loved & desired & treasured. Marriage is a picture of that, but it's not perfect. Your earthly husband will let you down - he is incapable of loving perfectly. The only way we can truly fill that need is to understand the way that Jesus passionately loves us. I would say sometimes I feel I understand it, but largely, I continue to pray that I would really experience the love that He has for me, & be able to comprehend how that love was shown at the cross. He doesn't need to prove His love for me (though He still chooses to, every day if I choose to see it) - He already did. I just need to understand & accept it in order to live in it.

One day our knight on a white horse will come for us. We will be rescued from pain, hurt, sorrow, death. We will finally be in the presence of our King, Father, Creator, Savior, Friend, Groom. Revelation gives us a little bit of an idea what it will be like, but really, we can't fathom it. But I do know, it will be more spectacular than the wedding I watched this morning (as lovely as it was). THAT will be a royal wedding, my friends. The One that has the authority over all kings & princes & governors & earthly officials will come for us, & we will be presented to Him - beautiful, adorned, pure, radiant.

And I will betroth you to Me forever. I will betroth you to Me in righteousness & in justice, in steadfast love & in mercy.

Hosea 2:19

For your Maker is your husband, the Lord of hosts is His name; & the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer, the God of the whole earth He is called.

Isaiah 54:5

As the bridegroom rejoices over the bride, so shall your God rejoice over you.

Isaiah 62:5

The Lord your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; He will rejoice over you with gladness, He will quiet you by His love; He will exult over you with loud singing.

Zephaniah 3:5

Then I saw heaven opened, and behold, a white horse! The one sitting on it is called Faithful and True, and in righteousness He judges and makes war. His eyes are like a flame of fire, and on His head are many diadems, and He has a name written that no one knows but himself. He is clothed in a robe dipped in blood, and the name by which He is called is The Word of God. And the armies of heaven, arrayed in fine linen, white and pure, were following Him on white horses. From His mouth comes a sharp sword with which to strike down the nations, and He will rule them with a rod of iron. He will tread the winepress of the fury of the wrath of God the Almighty. On His robe and on His thigh He has a name written, King of kings and Lord of lords.

Revelation 19:11-16

Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and the sea was no more. And I saw the holy city, new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride adorned for her husband. And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Behold, the dwelling place of God is with man. He will dwell with them, and they will be his people, and God himself will be with them as their God. He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.”

Revelation 21:1-4

Teething, & things you do with your teeth

So I don't think that I realized how much I would hate teething. Hate it! First of all, it's one of those things that sometimes is hard to figure out... okay, fussy baby... been fed, been changed (though Elliot doesn't fuss over a messy diaper), being entertained... teething??? The past couple of nights, he has woken up & screamed & screamed, even when I'm rocking him. We've busted out the Tylenol on those occasions. It's just sad that he is hurting & I can't do anything! & that it interrupts sleep - no one wants that!! & no teeth to be seen. I do think his gums were swollen today, so maybe soon.

Elliot started solids a couple of weeks ago, which didn't start out so well, but we are sticking with fruits for now while he gets used to things & develops a taste for different flavors. He likes apple. Bananas kept him from pooping for 2 days, so I think we'll keep those away for now! That, plus his need to reach & grab things, his constant movement - I have realized I have a real live baby. No more little helpless infant, but a growing boy that is developing personality & will get into trouble (hopefully not too much; we're hoping he's lame like his parents ;-) ) that will soon be crawling then walking & talking - ah! I get ahead of myself. It's fun though. It'll be totally crazy one day when we have multiple kids. In a good way. :-)

I'd also like to mention that I started up the food blog again! You can find it on the left side of the page under my favorites - Tried & True Recipe Share. It started out with several women all contributing, then we all kind of fell away from posting recipes (my excuse was that I was not experimenting in the kitchen while pregnant). But lately I have been trying lots of new recipes, so I started posting the ones that turn out good, mostly so I have a place to store them all because my recipe box is only so big. So take a look!

Baby, massage, hummus

I am still constantly amazed that Elliot is like a real live baby now! My little infant is gone. He no longer just lays there. He always wants to play & move & grab things now. It's just crazy! This past week he has pretty much mastered sitting up. He loves to reach out to grab his toys, which sometimes includes face-planting, which he seems to find entertaining. He's going to be a mobile little guy once he figures out crawling!! He isn't a big fan of bending his legs, so I don't think crawling will happen anytime soon... of course, he changes week to week so I could be completely wrong! It's so fun to see him growing. It is a challenge on some days, especially when he's a little fussy (teething, I think) or won't nap or wants to be entertained (by me) all day. It's tiring! But so fun, & I wouldn't have it any other way.

That being said, I am cashing in Thursday on the gift certificate my parents gave me for a massage, & I am SO EXCITED. Oh man. My back has been hurting pretty bad the past month or two, so I know it will help, not to mention the relaxation factor & spa experience. Oh how I love going to the spa. It doesn't happen often, so it is indeed a treat that I REALLY enjoy!!

I made a black bean hummus last week that I must share with you. I got the recipe from Jenny Rigney, & it is DELISH! I am motivated to make different kinds of hummus. I'll have to experiment soon when I have some free time.

Here it is:

Black Bean Hummus

1 Garlic Clove
1 15 Oz Can Black Beans, rinsed and drained
3 Tbsp Olive Oil
2 Tbsp Water
Juice of 1/2 a Lemon
1/2 Tsp Cumin
1/4 Tsp Salt (we use kosher)
1/4 Cup Cilantro, chopped

1. Place garlic clove in a food processor and pulse for 1 minute.
2. Add the remaining ingredients and puree in food processor until smooth.
3. Serve with toasted pita bread, tortilla chips, or fresh veggies.

I didn't add the lemon juice because I didn't have any, & I didn't add cilantro because it makes me want to barf. I loved it with black corn chips & with Sun Chips.

Enjoy!