The Commitment of Marriage

Sometimes, Christians (whether they actually are Christians or not) say or do really wrong things. It's frustrating & the main reason people don't buy into Christianity - we look like a bunch of hypocrites. I'm the first to say that sometimes I do what I shouldn't, because I am human, but repentance follows (sooner or later!) & I am praying to be more & more like Jesus every day.

Sometimes, I wish I could tell the world - look at JESUS to find out what He is like. He is faithful & true, loving & strong, compassionate & victorious. Read Scripture to know what God says, what His priorities are, what He values & desires.

That being said, I really liked the article I received from Family Life today:

Is It Okay to Divorce a Spouse With Alzheimer's?

by Dave Boehi

I was surprised this week when I read about the comments Pat Robertson made about divorce and Alzheimer’s on The 700 Club. On Tuesday, in a segment where he answers questions from viewers, he was asked the following question:

I have a friend whose wife suffers from Alzheimer’s. She doesn’t even recognize him anymore and, as you can imagine, the marriage has been rough. My friend has gotten bitter at God for allowing his wife to be in that condition, and he’s started seeing another woman. He says that he should be allowed to see other people because his wife as he knows her is gone … I’m not quite sure what to tell him. Please help.

Robertson obviously felt a lot of compassion for the man. “I hate Alzheimer’s,” he said. “It is one of the most awful things, because here’s the loved one, the woman or man that you have loved for 20, 30, 40 years, and suddenly that person is gone, they’re gone. They are gone.”

The next words were disappointing and controversial: “I know it sounds cruel, but if he’s going to do something, he should divorce her and start all over again, but, to make sure she has custodial care and somebody looking after her.”

His co-host broke in and asked, “But isn’t that the vow that we take when we marry someone, that it’s for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer ... ?”

Robertson answered, “Yeah, I know, if you respect that vow, you say ‘til death do us part.’ Well, this is a kind of death. … I can’t fault him for wanting some kind of a companionship, and if he says in a sense she is gone, he is right. It’s like a walking death.”

The importance of your wedding vows

This is an issue I’ve thought about the last few years as I’ve watched different people cope with similar situations. As you grow older, you view your marriage vows through a different lens. Most young married couples, with stars in their eyes, have little idea what they’re saying when they vow to remain together for a lifetime, “for better, for worse … in sickness and in health … ‘til death do us part.”

But after two or three decades of marriage, you begin to understand in a deep way how important those vows are. You realize there will likely come a day when one of you will devote much of your time and energy to taking care of the other.

That’s the normal course of marriage, and of life. Nowhere in Scripture can you find justification for divorce because of old age, illness, or memory loss. And I’ve got to say that it gives you a great sense of comfort and security to know that your spouse is totally committed to you and will never leave, no matter what happens to you.

Caring for a patient with Alzheimer’s may be one of the greatest tests of a marriage. But I think we need to be telling the church today that God will give us the strength to fulfill our vows no matter what situation we find ourselves in. There are ways for a caregiving spouse to meet his needs for companionship without starting a relationship with another woman.

A marriage marked by unshakeable commitment is a beautiful picture of Christ's relationship with the church. Here are some great comments that blogger Russell Moore made yesterday:

Marriage, the Scripture tells us, is an icon of something deeper, more ancient, more mysterious. The marriage union is a sign, the Apostle Paul announces, of the mystery of Christ and his church (Eph. 5). The husband, then, is to love his wife “as Christ loved the church” (Eph. 5:25). This love is defined not as the hormonal surge of romance but as a self-sacrificial crucifixion of self. The husband pictures Christ when he loves his wife by giving himself up for her.

Moore points out that when Christ was arrested, “his Bride, the church, forgot who she was, and denied who he was. He didn’t divorce her. He didn’t leave." Moore goes on to say,

A woman or a man with Alzheimer’s can’t do anything for you. There’s no romance, no sex, no partnership, not even companionship. That’s just the point. Because marriage is a Christ/church icon, a man loves his wife as his own flesh. He cannot sever her off from him simply because she isn’t “useful” anymore.

Someday you or your spouse will likely be faced with this type of test. For your sake and for the sake of your legacy, may I suggest that you choose today how you will respond. Look your spouse in the eye and say:

“No matter what ever happens to you, there are two things you need to know: First, God will never leave you or forsake you. And second, neither will I.”

Bittersweet

I have not known, by experience, the definition of that word as much as I have come to know it in the past couple of weeks.

Four years ago, I started working for our church part-time from home. Long story short, I had prayed a ton about what I should do work-wise, & everything I thought about pursuing, God told me no. He told me to wait. So I did, & then was approached with this opportunity in the right time. It was perfect. I had no desire to pursue a career, I just wanted something to do before we had kids. I loved the people I worked with, it was flexible, & I still had time to hang out with friends during the week, take care of our home, & exercise.

I had always said that I would work until I couldn't both work & be a mom well. Josh & I felt strongly about me being a stay at home mom, so I decided that if my role as a mom was suffering, the job had to go. That realization came a couple of months ago. I knew I couldn't do it any longer, & God confirmed for me that this season was over.

Yesterday was my first day unemployed (though we are still transitioning the role, so I'm still working a smidgen). Sometimes I'm really excited about what God has for me in this new season. We are new Life Group leaders, & I just signed up for MOPS, & am doing a Bible study with our church this fall. & I just know, because the Lord is faithful & I have seen Him do it time & time again, that when I am obedient to what He wants me to do, He blesses me. There is much joy in obedience. So I know it will be good. But I am so, so sad to not be in weekly community with the church staff anymore. I am sad to say goodbye to what has been the past four years. I have had such crazy emotions lately - so very bitter at times, so perfectly sweet at others. I know as I continue to walk this through, it will become more & more sweet. Because my Jesus is good to me. & His ways are perfect.

Giveaway!

My Phi Lamb sister Katy is hosting an Erin Condren giveaway over at her blog... go check it out!

I know of a Christian who was in solitary confinement for years and experienced much hunger and pain. Sometimes he was aware of Jesus asking him, "Is it too difficult for you? Shall I ease your lot?" Again and again he replied, "Please, Jesus, see to others. I can bear it. I'm all right."

This is the bride's mentality. She tells Jesus to follow His calling as a king. She can carry the cross allotted to her in the hope that, when the evening comes, He will return to her. She is reluctant to make continual demands upon Him.

Excerpted from The Midnight Bride (pp. 154-155), by Richard Wumbrand

I have time...

I decided I should blog, but I don't feel inspired. I feel like anything I write will be mundane. There have been times I have wanted to write, but didn't have time. Thus the lack of writing! Oh well. Maybe you should read this at 9 pm to help you fall asleep, because it's now or [later than now] so this might be boring.

The past couple of weeks have been busy around here. Not necessarily time-busy, but emotionally busy. Josh searched for, found, & accepted a new job, quit his current job a couple of weeks ago, & is in the last couple of days before he's done. This has been stressful for him - quitting a job is never easy. & neither is the transition. But he is excited for his new opportunity & ready to get going. Fortunately, next week he will be in between jobs, so we get the whole week to hang out! That is a nice consolation prize, considering we don't get to take a vacation this fall now that he won't have the vacation time. (I'm pretty sad about that.) I wrote up a to-do list for the week, which includes important things like babyproofing the cabinets so Elliot can roam the house, & getting new internet & cell phone plans, & also equally-important-but-in-a-different-kind-of-way things such as "get a snow cone" & "go to the pool." It should be fun.

That's it for now, must enjoy some coffee before Elliot wakes up... I'll have more to share, but I won't say it'll be soon, because really, who knows. :)

Parenting 201

We have entered a new realm of parenting - discipline. Eek. Elliot is now crawling all over the place, pulling up, reaching for everything, & even exhibiting a bit of the "human sin nature." Oh boy. Now, if you don't think disciplining an 8 month old is appropriate, stop reading now. Josh & I believe that babies are smarter than they seem, & we want to teach him what is okay & what is not. We believe he has reached the stage where it is time to create boundaries. The problem is, how do I decide what those boundaries are?

You see, I am the type of person that lines up the kitchen table with the floor tiles. It's got to be straight. So, when my baby heads for my photo albums, do I get over it & force myself to think photos warped by drool is adorable? Or do I attempt to keep him away from everything that is not sold in the baby aisle of Target? You see my quandary.

It's hard to think about disciplining him. Who wants their child to get upset? I can see how parents end up letting their kids have or do whatever they want. But I also see what kind of kid that produces, & I don't want one of those!

God is SO teaching me right now to look to Him in EVERY moment. Stop - get my heart in the right place - pray & ask for wisdom/patience/peace - & let Him do it. Be obedient. What a process. It seems He is bound & determined to change me. How about that? Well, I might as well go with it. He really does have my best in mind, & Elliot's best. He is good. I really can rest in that!

Living radically

If you haven't read the book "Radical" by David Platt, I recommend you do so. Even more, I recommend you read it with your spouse. Josh & I are both reading it, & are only about halfway through, but it has caused many conversations between us. Reading it is much more impactful than my summary could ever be, so I won't even try. But here are some of the ways we are being challenged.

We have always been pretty frugal people (some may say "cheap"). But now we are considering - okay, when we choose not to spend our money on something, then what do we do with it? Are we frugal so that we can save save save? Or do we realize what eternal purpose that money could serve?

Now, the basis behind ANY question we ask is motive. Saving in itself isn't bad. Buying a house or a car or going out to eat aren't in themselves bad things. But when we save, is it because we are putting our security in our finances? We need a "safety net?" Is it taking away from our trust in the Lord, that He provides for all of our needs? Maybe. When we buy something, is it because the Lord is leading us to do so? Or because we want the new thing, the bigger thing?

We have, until now, thought that we would need to buy a new car soon - a new (used) SUV for me to truck our kids around in. I drive a small car & Josh drives an SUV with almost 150,000 miles on it. But what about me driving Josh's car until it dies? Well, I tell ya, I get much more excited about the thought of a newer car. But why?? I'm not saying we won't eventually buy a car. But we want our hearts to be in the right place. We want to be willing to sacrifice. We desire to live simply. We don't want our money to go toward "earthly trinkets," but "eternal treasures."

When we save money by not buying something, we are now challenged to consider where we might give it. We have always given money to our church & to other organizations. But maybe we should go above & beyond. Do we give out of excess, or are we sacrificing? God already gave us somewhere to give some money, & put it on Josh's heart for us to do so. I gladly submit to a husband who desires to give to something that will have eternal benefit!

I am also being challenged to consider my purpose. God wants to use us to make disciples; to change the world. Yes, being a wife & a mom is a huge calling that the Lord has placed on my life. But I know that's not all He has for me. & I want to be used where He wants to use me.

It may sound huge & lofty, all good & well, or it might sound crazy or legalistic. (Sidenote: One other thing I am trying to do right now is to make sure I'm not making "rules" for myself. As a rule follower, that is so easy for me. But I want there to be reason behind the things that I do.) Read the book! Platt's heart behind every word is that we might do what GOD wants. Die to ourselves that He might live through us. I am excited to see how the Lord is moving in our lives. He has GOOD things for us, & I want to be a part of it!!