Life has been good. I feel like I have hit a good, new normal. My work load has evened out, for the most part, & I am able to delegate the time for each part of my jobs: wife, mom, homemaker, part-time employee. My house is even clean! How about that! I have definitely learned to extend grace to myself for the times that I just can't do it all. Josh & Elliot are my priority, & so if something else doesn't get done perfectly, that is okay. Life will go on! I am thankful to work for someone who cares about our family, & understands when I need to put work on pause to tend to Elliot. I feel like I have a good balance going on right now - well, minus exercise, that one is still lacking a bit. But as time goes on, I get a little more energy, so high hopes for getting back to some kind of exercise routine.
We dedicated Elliot to the Lord on Sunday at church. It was a special time for us to stand before our church body & say that we will do everything we can to lead him to the Lord, & for them to agree with us to come along side us & do what they can as well. I know God has created Elliot's life for a good purpose, & our role is to try our best to raise him to know God & to love His Word & obey His leading.
Part of that, that I am having a hard time with, is knowing that Elliot's life is in God's hands. As a mom, I take care of his basic needs - feeding him, keeping him clean, helping him sleep, etc. I protect him as best I can. But this has also brought a heaviness on me, an anxiety. I am responsible for this little person's well-being?! What if I mess up?? What if I do something terribly wrong? Oh, what a heavy burden to carry! It is not mine to carry! I am taking on more than my role. His life is NOT dependent on me. He is God's, & God will protect him regardless of my actions. Now, I'm obviously not saying I have no responsibility - but I am not fully responsible for him. I can't be. I do what I am supposed to do, & make decisions as best I can, but I am not going to mess up God's plan for Elliot, I'm just not.
I'm trying so hard to walk in faith, trusting God fully. A result of that will be peace & joy over my role as a mom. I haven't succeeded yet; I still deal with a physical feeling of anxiety. I have always struggled with fear, in different ways, & this is just a new version of it for me. But I know that this is something God wants to do in me, so I am prayerful in it. I want to trust Him with my children. I know I can. It's just walking that out, day by day, in my actions & emotions.
In other news, Elliot is five months now. He is continuing to grow like a weed. He is at least 27 inches long & about 16 lbs (these are my measurements so I know they are not exact) - 91st% for height, 32nd% for weight. Our little string bean! His weight had dropped off a month ago to 20th%, so I'm glad he bumped it up this month. He loves to stand (it's really hard sometimes to get him to sit!), loves having his fingers in his mouth (or anything, really), & has developed some fun new squeals & talks a lot more now. I think he may be teething - he has had some super grumpy moments lately, which is sad for our normally happy little guy.
Jason & Paige are coming to visit us this weekend, so we are very excited to spend time with old friends. I also got to spend time with a couple of friends last week. I am so thankful for the friendships that we have & are able to keep up with, though we don't live close to each other. I also love to see them loving on our little man. It is a blessing!
4 comments:
Thanks for all your baby suggestions. I wasn't registered for a My Breast Friend, but I am going to now because well....I am well endowed so I think I would enjoyed it. I was given a boppy from my sister in law so I"ll have that as well. And you should blog about it. I'd love to hear more suggestions if you think of them!!
That's good to know you gained 40 lbs and dropped it really fast. I am REALLY stressing out about weight gain. I've always been a roller coaster weight kind of person and it's been really hard seeing my weight creep up on the scale. I am about to hit the point when I'm at my biggest I've ever been. Eeekk!! It's just hard to see how it's all going to come off, but you look great so I know I can do it too!! And I know it will all be worth it when that sweet boy is here!!
I would love to see your little string bean!! It's exciting to hear about the blessings you've been given, and where you guys are in life.
It is so easy to fall into thinking "What if I mess up?" Fact is, I am going to mess up, I do mess up and I have messed up. But His mercies are new every morning. Sometimes His mercies are new every moment. Parenting is humbling. It is scary. It is rewarding. It is bonding with your husband. It is growing your in your relationship with God. It is one of your ministry's. It is a blessing. It is one of the hardest things in life to do and it is soooo continuous. You and Josh are equipped and are great parents because of Who your role model is. We miss you guys and think of y'all often. Praying God's blessing for you, sweet friend.
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